Linguistics of love and friendship

A few of us at the office were having a discussion a while ago about the different ways we experience love and support. Someone mentioned a study conducted about this subject which resulted in the 5 Love Languages.

The 5 Love Languages was developed by marriage counsellor, Dr Gary Coleman and it outlines the different ways all people show and experience love.

I figured, surely there needs to be more than 5, so I gave a lot of thought to what my love language is and went to look for it on the list.

My love language is: put me first every now and then. It’s one of the ways I express love to my friends and family – by making time for them – and its how I know others think highly me.

This doesn’t mean I want to be the centre of someone else’s universe, or that friends should drop everything to make sure they can see me when I’m free. But rather, make some time for me in your life, even if it’s not always that convenient to do so. Like, maybe, every four or five months, have coffee with me, or see a movie, or get a drink. Am I being unreasonable? Is this too much to ask of people who say they’re my friends?

I realised that my mom didn’t understand my love language when I got really upset at the number of people who declined invitations to my birthday party last year. I mean, I hardly ever want to commemorate my birthday with a party, and it was the big 3-0, so why were some people so reluctant to celebrate with me?

Thinking about the situation from a Love Language perspective, I realised that this isn’t a global reality and I shouldn’t take it personally. The whole situation was made better when one guest told me that she turned down another invitation just to be at my party – it made me feel really special. Another guest made a real effort to be there, bronchitis and all.

Anyway, I took this new-found knowledge and tried to prove that 5 Love Languages wasn’t enough. I came across this site http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/ where I discovered that I did in fact fall, very neatly, into the Quality Time category. The other 4 categories are Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.

Here’s your assignment for today: give some thought to your Love Language as well as those of your family and friends – it should help your relationships run all the smoother.

Workaholic? Me? Never!

I never thought of myself as a workaholic, but it seems to have snuck up while I wasn’t looking.

These days I don’t seem to do anything but work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not unhappy about it – I’m really loving my job and the work I’m doing. It’s not a hardship. And, aside from line dancing (in which my interest waxes and wanes), I don’t have many commitments to non-work related people or activities.

But you know it’s bad when, on your day off, you still check your mail (the joys of 3G and laptops – you can take your office with you everywhere) and agree to attend a meeting. The control freak in me feels very comfortable with this, but not many people understand.

The antidote – plan as many things on leave days as possible. For the 2 days I’ve taken off at the end of this month, I’ll have to arrange to see friends, go to movies, see doctors, dentist, hairdresser and possibly look for a craft class or 2. Leave can be really expensive!