I’ve been to a local petshop inside a
garden centre a few times in the last couple of weeks. They have a flock hand
reared baby ringnecks, love birds and cockatiels that I stop and talk to when
I’m there. There’s a little green ringneck who ‘talks’ back, making a
screeching sound when I whistle at him. He’s adorable and I’m so tempted to
take him home.
But here’s the thing – I don’t want another
bird. Baylea is already a bit of a pain. She’s messy, not necessarily messier
than your average pet parrot, but messier than I’m happy with. And she’s
destructive. She’d developed a taste for tile grout and she loves to pick the
top layer of leather off my couches.
So adding another bird to the household, of
a breed that is known to be noisy, isn’t what I’m after. But I figured out
today why it’s so tempting. I want to connect with another soul. I need to get
to know someone else. I guess I want to spend time with a new being.
Making a new friend would be ideal, but
there’s a part of me that feeling so down and unlikeable at the moment that I
know I’m just setting myself up for failure. I’ve been thinking that it would
be wonderful to just hang out with someone. Watch TV or cook a meal. Have
someone in my space.
Getting a puppy would fill my soul, this I
know. But I have none of the things that I feel are necessary for responsible
puppy ownership – money for good food, vet bills and training, and a garden for
relaxation. I also travel a fair bit, so I’d miss out on a lot of stuff.
At this point, I’d gladly and gratefully
settle for a puppy playdate. My soul yearns for that sweet puppy breath, those
little tongues that like to kiss your face, those chubby little bodies that are
often uncoordinated and those wild bursts of enthusiasm for play.
I miss my DharmaDog at times like these.
Even though she didn’t live with my once I moved out, she was always there at
my parents place when I went to visit and I could fetch her for sleepovers. For
many years after I had to put her down, I didn’t want another dog. I wanted MY
dog. It took a long time for me to accept that I was never going to get her
back. And although I’d still chose her over another, I feel like I could love
another dog now. I’ve already picked out names for the dogs I hope to have one
day.
So, yeah, I’m a little bit down, and a
little bit lonely at the moment.
