Press trip, KZN: 4/5

Dear Miss Kennedy

We’d like to fly you to Durban for a night – you know, the place by the sea that you never visit. Additionally, we’d like to put you up in a four-star hotel, in a room on the 25^th floor, overlooking the ocean.

We’ll feed you delicious food until you think you’re going to slip into a diabetic coma, and we’ll introduce you to some interesting people. We’ll put you on a bus with 40 other people and drive the scenic route from the airport to the hotel, just to show you what you’re missing by not coming down more often.

On the downside, we’ll book your plane ticket as part of a group, so you won’t be able to check in online, like the rest of the world. You’ll be assigned a middle seat, so I hope you can get to the airport early enough to change that.

But, on the whole, we’re offering you a little mini getaway. I hope you’ll accept our kind invitation.

Yours sincerely
Large Hotel Chain’s PR

Dear Large Hotel Chain’s PR

Your offer sounds acceptable; I’ll allow you to fly me to Durban for a peak at your newly refurbished establishment.

I will ensure I race to the airport to check in, and change my seat to a more preferable exit-row window seat. In the process, though, I’ll leave my phone in the car, parked at the Gautrain station, so please don’t try to contact me telephonically on the day of travel.

I would ask that you see if you can’t ensure the weather is overcast with a bit of rain. Joburg has been so dry lately that a little precipitation would go down a treat.

I’d also like the morning off, please. No group breakfasts or activities. Just a little ‘me time’ to test out your free Wi-Fi and perhaps get a bit of office work done.

I look forward to staring out to sea from my bedroom window and sinking my toes in the sand.

Many thanks
Kate

Dear DVD producer people

I have a complaint to lay at your feet.

When I sit down to watch my favourite TV shows on DVD, I’d like to watch all of the episodes on the disc. I don’t want to have to tell the disc that yes, I want to watch the next episode right after the current one. As in, don’t set up the disc to take me back to the home screen at the end of an episode. When I’m tired of watching a disc, I’ll stop it of my own accord.

And here’s another bugbear: don’t time the episodes individually, rather time the disc. I know the average DVD of a TV show is 2h40m, but I don’t always remember how many episodes I’ve watched, or what the last episode of the disc is. And I like to know how comfortable I can get while watching; sometimes I like to lie on the couch while I watch, and it’s irritating to have to get up five minutes later to change a DVD.

Oh, and another thing – if there are deleted scenes as DVD extras, please put them into the episodes from which they originate, and not as a long stream of unrelated clips. I mean, it was important enough to film and edit, so surely you want that hard work to be appreciated.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to optimal viewing in future.

Ready Steady Cook

Anyone remember the reality TV show Ready Steady Cook? It was on BBC a good few years ago. Contestants would bring in a bag of groceries and celebrity chefs would have come up with two dishes, in 20 minutes.

Thanks to my end-of-the-month grocery cupboard, which started well before the actual end of month, I’ve been playing the home version of Ready Steady Cook for about a week now. It goes like this: rummage through cupboard, fridge and freezer and come up with a random selection of ingredients; Google recipes; cross fingers and hope for the best.

I had a few fresh vegetables in the crisper drawer last week, and a small selection of fresh herbs in my little potted garden, and was able to come up with a mushroom risotto (thanks to a box of Arborio rice I’ve had in the cupboard for years), pumpkin fritters (from a bag of frozen pumpkin pieces), chilli con carne (sans kidney beans, but with split red lentils instead), sweet corn fritters (not nearly as good as the pumpkin) and chicken mayonnaise for sarmies.

Not a bad haul when you consider that I made a point of spending no money for these dishes. It’s been fun, but honestly, I can’t wait to stock my freezer with chicken nuggets, veggie fingers, frozen pizzas and other quick and easy meals. Or add some fresh veg to my dinner plate. Or come off tea and coffee rations to make the dwindling supply last until pay day.

I have, however, made a decision that I will cook at least one meal a week from first foods. First foods is anything in its original form – cuts of meat, vegetables, eggs, potatoes, milk, rice, spices, herbs. Not included are things like flour, chips, chicken nuggets, cheese, pasta – all those quick, easy and tasty things that are the product of modern-day living.