State of my soul

I’ve been to a local petshop inside a garden centre a few times in the last couple of weeks. They have a flock hand reared baby ringnecks, love birds and cockatiels that I stop and talk to when I’m there. There’s a little green ringneck who ‘talks’ back, making a screeching sound when I whistle at him. He’s adorable and I’m so tempted to take him home.

But here’s the thing – I don’t want another bird. Baylea is already a bit of a pain. She’s messy, not necessarily messier than your average pet parrot, but messier than I’m happy with. And she’s destructive. She’d developed a taste for tile grout and she loves to pick the top layer of leather off my couches.

So adding another bird to the household, of a breed that is known to be noisy, isn’t what I’m after. But I figured out today why it’s so tempting. I want to connect with another soul. I need to get to know someone else. I guess I want to spend time with a new being.

Making a new friend would be ideal, but there’s a part of me that feeling so down and unlikeable at the moment that I know I’m just setting myself up for failure. I’ve been thinking that it would be wonderful to just hang out with someone. Watch TV or cook a meal. Have someone in my space.

Getting a puppy would fill my soul, this I know. But I have none of the things that I feel are necessary for responsible puppy ownership – money for good food, vet bills and training, and a garden for relaxation. I also travel a fair bit, so I’d miss out on a lot of stuff.

At this point, I’d gladly and gratefully settle for a puppy playdate. My soul yearns for that sweet puppy breath, those little tongues that like to kiss your face, those chubby little bodies that are often uncoordinated and those wild bursts of enthusiasm for play.

I miss my DharmaDog at times like these. Even though she didn’t live with my once I moved out, she was always there at my parents place when I went to visit and I could fetch her for sleepovers. For many years after I had to put her down, I didn’t want another dog. I wanted MY dog. It took a long time for me to accept that I was never going to get her back. And although I’d still chose her over another, I feel like I could love another dog now. I’ve already picked out names for the dogs I hope to have one day.

So, yeah, I’m a little bit down, and a little bit lonely at the moment.